The Barry Grogan Halle-bloody-ljah Report

[AeonFlux]

.

Sadly, we have all been deprived of the input of the great Fox for a while now <sad swoon>. However, all is not lost.

Rodger <swoon> has sent us his media manager. We are very fortunate to have this week’s report compiled by Saintsational’s favourite organic farmer and Pro-Adani campaigner, the man whom neither Andrew Bolt nor Bob Brown have been able to pigeon-hole.

Barry Grogan...........................................................................................................................................................................................

Assessment:
- Ok, only one week, but seriously, for anyone who still wondering, we just got to see how crap a choach was <the definite article finally deleted by both SS and St K Mods> Cho was.
- The forward line was still too short, but looked, and was, far more dangerous.
We actually kept blokes back, so on fast breaks there was actually reasonably even numbers.
We had blokes front and centre to crumb too!!!!
And blokes were actually looking for the best option, be that long or short!!!! Halle-bloody-ljah!!!!



Maybe that new forward line coach isn’t such a dud after all?
(Still need a 3rd marking option though.)

Player upsides included
- Marshall, Clark, Wilkie (along with Marshall, surely a real chance at the B&F) and Lonie.
- Coffield looking more relaxed at senior level.
- Paton also.
- Parker looked dangerous. His kicking looked better. Can actually give the thing a decent roost. (Seemed to spend a lot of time off the ground though.)
- Langlands finally got a game!!!!! (And did Saynta proud.) Halle-bloody-ljah!!!!
- Acres finally got to spend some time in the guts. Halle-bloody-ljah!!!!



Maybe we shouldn’t bomb all Muslims after all(?)

Absolutely not.

However!

I hate to be the one to take a flyswat to Tinkerbell, but...........

The pooches were very very poor. Laugh a minute stuff at times. (Cue that 2nd quarter.)

Yes, we already knew (TRUE DECIEVERS aside, of course ) that <the definite article finally deleted by both SS and St K Mods> Cho was a crap choach. But is Ratten the answer??? The next 5 weeks will hopefully tell us a bit more.

And the questions still remain re our 3rd quarters. Ratten’s half time addresses to the boys are equally as bizarre as <the definite article finally deleted by both SS and St K Mods> Cho’s were.

Groundbreaking.

What was he on about there???? Been spending too much time parked on the median strip with He’sHighMan and Ted????

Still favour getting the Toxic Gnome, getting free agents (final-bloody-ly) and getting some flags (final-bloodly-ly). Option 2, Harves’ with someone like Danny Frawley for support, and Lenny as assistant.

Anyway, the next 5 weeks will be interesting.




This week's analysis Committee:
- Catherine. (Entertaining everyone. Quite the hostess. Brought takeaway again. No chowder. Halle-bloody-ljah!!!! Just lots of chunky custard. Mmmmmmmm.)
- Aaron. (Loves his chunky custard. Very happy the chowder is permanently off the menu. Halle-bloody-ljah!!!!)
- Saxons. (RosKilda’s favourite poster/s. Very happy to be back at the Linton Lodger Stadium’'. Just awaiting government approval to start coal mining and fracking there.)
- king9. (Girl power!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!)
- toni1975 (tony1975’s hot little sis’. More girl power!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!)
- HarrietM (HarryM’s hot little sis’. Even more girl power!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!! You can’t have too much girl power!)
- Keyboard Cat (Cat power!!!!!!!!!! !!!)
- Parquetrysainter. (Still just like Ted).
- Owen.
- Vaas Montenegro. (He’s back! Vaas is a happy man. Finally got to trigger ‘that’ contract. )
- Barry Grogan. (Stepping in for Rodger <swoon>, and for environmental farming. https://wwoof.com.au/members/qt253/)

- BFTNorway - Simon the Troll Hunter.




Missing:
- Rodger. <swoon> Come back Rodger! We can get Kinky for you too.
- Mr Cuddly Duck. (Should be posting back here, not posting over on Big Cho. Come home Huggie.)
- Sainter K. (Where are you?)
- Jaffa Boy/Straw Man/Concern Troll. (Still fighting with himself/himselves. Needs to get a room with himself/himselves. )
- Kingky12.

- BornAgainNorwegianTed12. Everyone’s favourite Norwegian internet troll and emerging young fiction writer. Troll power!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!

I'm a troll.

For Loris:


And if nothing else, at least now everyone knows where that bloody rake is.






Flux Rant (Grogan version) - New Coach/coaching panel to ‘find’ him/her:
Why do we need to appoint a panel?????

Think about it.

When the club is looking at a player/players to potentially poach from other clubs, does the club first appoint a panel? No. Because, the club already knows enough about the player/players in question to know that they would like to try and target them.

Should be the same bloody thing with coaches. Especially when we’ve know for a long time that <the definite article deleted by SS and StK Mods> Cho had to go.

Surely we’d already know what we need to know about the potential Cho replacements???? And surely, what we didn’t know, we’d have gone and found out.............. a eons ago??????????

Just one, and very pertinent, example of this. Sir Robert Harvey.

Why the club would love him back is obvious. But can he actually be a senior coach????

Whilst that question can never be answered...............about anyone......................until they’ve actually been in the job a while, at their new club, a bit of digging can be done so as to make us as sure (or otherwise) as is humanly (and humanely) possible!!!!! And this digging should have been done! Long ago!!!!

So Saints, if the Toxic Gnome can’t be got, Robert Harvey is the next choice. And he’s very available. Can he (senior) coach??? Like with any other potential coach, no one knows. But we should have done our homework, so as to be as sure as humanly/humanely possible.

No need for another BS choaching appointment panel to make another BS stuff-up appointment. Just approach our target, and once he/she agrees, and once any season 2019 commitments are over for him/her......................

Make the bloody appointment Saints! It ain’t actually that difficult!!!!!

I'm telling you now, if they appoint that fucker Scott, I will be giving him a harder time than you guys ever gave Richo.

Letter from Richo:
The Grogan Report has obtained a copy of the actual text that our ex-choach wanted to send out. This is the version before the redactions by Lethers and Ted.

G’day Saints’ fans and TRUE DECEIVERS,

Following last Tuesday’s Cho-chopping, I Choose to Choallenge myself and take this Choportunity to thank all St Kilda choristers for their chosen support over the Cho-lucrative past six years. (Chortle).

It has been a Choice-bro (Cho) and personally fiscal honour (Chortle) to hold strong the position of senior Choach at a club, and to be paid to walk laps of the boundary with Grubby for so long, and I will always be thankful for this financial Chopportunity (largesse). (Chortle.)
)
Cho-stepping aside immediately allows me to move on with the Choreography for next year’s European vacation without any distraction regarding the club.

I am disappointed that I haven’t been able to deliver the Chocolates. I’d really Cho-challenged myself to get my Choaching winning percentage even lower than just ‘top 5 worst ever’. Have a good look at my bank account, train hard on the boundary line walking track, and I know that I could have achieved this. But Cho-personally I’m still Cho-chuffed to have Chollected the money Chocolates for so long, whilst achieving so little. And I believe the club remains well managed (Matt and Lethers) for future Chopsocky.

We have the Choicest young group, Chockablock with talent (White aside), who as we saw against Geelong’s Chowderheads my last Cho-week, have the ability and Cho-character to drive this Cho-club forward (somewhere). And we now have a new Choach who has rote memorized my best Cho-platitudes. (Chortle.)

On a personal Cho-note, I have genuinely enjoyed Chortling and ChowChowing at a huge number of Chooks across Australia – from those who attend open forward 50 bombing training sessions at Chorabbin, to those who provide so much Chowder when we travel interstate to Choke. (Always a Chore.)

Don’t ever underestimate the enormous impact your Cho-passion (Chortle) and Chopsticks has on our players, and I encourage you to get behind the red, white and Cho for the remainder of this season and beyond Cho.

See you all at my last game lap of Chonour.

Ciao, suckers,

Rich Cho. (Chortle.)


PS: "The thermometer of success is merely the jealousy of the malChontents." Salvador Tedi. (Chortle.)

You seem to be coping ok mate, but just in case, hope this break up advice helps you.

Was Richo a crap coach, or our list of players are crap?
I tend to believe the former, when we went backwards from mid 2017.
Kick it to Rooey, and Joey, mop it up down back never prepared us for when these two champs retired.
I could not see a new gameplay in 2018, or this year for that matter.
I for one, does not believe that our playing list is rubbish - in the right hands, we can be challenging for the finals next year.

For the TRUE DECEIVERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:
The new Hole in the Ted gang.

I am not a member of the labor party
and its weird that some people rate other countries animals with a higher regard than ours that have been forced into extinction.

Hope you are not referring to me there sport.

I care about every animal , bird or plant life threatened with extinction.

That's nice to hear, but stuff the black throated finch and every other animal plant or bird life threatened with extinction! (Especially bloody magpies and bloody crows! ).

We still only care about all the money.



It’s good to break down barriers.

Absolutely.

Robert Harvey highlights:
Current Saints’ players watch and take note.............................
- Vision! The great man always knew what options were around him in case a tackle actually stuck.
- To advantage!
His kicks and handballs were to the advantage of his team mates.
His short passes to the leading forward were out in front so the forward could run onto them. (Not plonked up high over the forward’s head.)
His long kicks into the forward line were directed to our forward’s advantage side of the contest.
1:44:44 is a classic example that should be played to our current mids.
Seconds left to play, we’re 1 point down. Last roll of the dice. Harvey streams through them middle and kicks long. But not to the goal square, rather, towards the pocket, and hence the advantage of the G-Train.
THAT IS HOW THE LONG BOMB INTO THE FORWARD 50 IS MEANT TO BE DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!
- It was also very noticeable that instead of all looking at each other, our blokes were actually shepherding our ball carriers whenever possible.





Rendezvous with destiny/destinies?:
A previous Fux Report showed footage of the time Saintsational’s most centred member first met the Swiss Miss. We now present an update. Running late to pick-up the Swiss Miss.



And this week, it has also be revealed that our man (working title name, ‘Claude’) has emerged as a ‘left-field’ (more like centre-field) contender for the Saints’ coaching gig.

i'd lead us to the flag within 3 years.
pity, isn't it.

Has the ‘drive’. No CGI. No political correctness BS. (And no red-lights.) Just does whatever, and goes wherever, is needed to get us to our destination. Just the hard-nosed bastard that Rooey is calling for. (But with a heart of gold.) Think about it Saintsationalists. At the absolute worst, he’d be way better than the vast majority of the arse-clowns whose names have been mentioned for the job.

DS for Saints’ coach!!!!!

(Please note. Not many pigeons were hurt in the making of the above film.)




“Not Funny Jan” post of the week:

I couldn’t bear the thought of missing out on my weekly chuckle when Alan makes his team.

I emailed him this afternoon and he graciously offered to name his ‘alternate squad’ weekly.

Thanks Alan...

‘Alan’s Choice”

Gears, Marshy, Sav

Longy, Joycey, Wilksy

Sincs, Seb, Newnsy

Members, Brucey, JB

Parky, Big Jakey, Lones

Billy, Steeley,Dave

INT: Blakey, Mav, Hanners, Lukey

EMG: Hunter, Coff, Lango, Patts

OUT: Browny (managed), Hunter (omitted) Coff (omitted) Marshall (managed)

Not even slightly funny.

We’d have to agree. Actually, the post was hilarious. But see your point. A too painful reminder of our club’s last six wasted years.






This week’s tribute to the scumpiring fraternity :

f****** arseholes.

Posts of the week:

How did we get onto this?

Anyway, I don't want us to get charity or special assistance.

He hasn't died, he's just changing jobs. He will be fine. Not sure about the club and its CEO, but.

This week’s mailbag:\
Simon (now back) from Norway asks,

What post are you taking about??? No reports to review. I don’t read every post!!! It seems like you don’t understand that bit. Could you report the post please and then I can assess it. Or do I have to go searching for it post by post? Is it even in this thread?

Yes the ‘term’ in question is in said thread.
No, said term isn’t ‘<the definite article deleted by both SS and StK Mods> Cho’.
And please don’t lock away the Saintsational in question.
We love his work - which is why we love re-quoting it.

Hope that helps.

F^^k yeah. Smile

True Believer, from an airport lounge near you, also wrote to the mail bag asking,

Can we call him "The Ratt" or do we have to shorten it to only "Ratts" to avoid offence due to some obscure reference that no-ones ever heard of?

Good question. Use of the definite article is a touchy subject. Best to post it in French.

Hope that helps.

F^^k yeah. Smile

Know your terms:

Great old English insults

fustilarian - a person who stubbornly wastes time on foolish things
foozler - someone who does things poorly and makes mistakes
lubberwort - lethargic, fuzzy minded person
stampcrab - clumsy person
muckspout. - incessant talker who swears a lot.
mumblecrust - toothless beggar
fopdoodle - insignificant or foolish
stymphalist - smells unpleasant
snoutband - always interrupting other conversations.

(But don’t ask about ‘fel^^er’. )







Reference of the week:

It's only offensive if you're a sick puppy.

Haven't heard 'sick puppy' used in ages. A great term. Criminally under-utilised.







Ranging emotions post of the week:

When THE Saints favorite son died I was devastated, For him, his family and because he was going to coach the Saints to their second premiership

When the Doc was forced to quite, I was disappointed, but I realised he wasn't going to be our saviour

When Watson quite, I was relieved.

When Alves was sacked at first I was alarmed but believed the club knew what it was doing. you can't push a player down a stair case.

When Blight was sacked, my first thoughts were thank god. The guy's a turd who never liked the saints.

When Thomas was sacked i was outraged with the club, and still am.

When Lyin walked out on us I was pissed with him, and still am, but think we escaped a bullet. He cost us two flags and a former captain of the club.

when the dwawf was sacked I was glad.

When Richo walked after being basically pushed I was sad and felt for him. he did his best but that black cat and ladder still have a home at Moorabbin unfortunately.

Great post!
Add to those blokes, how about Graeme Gellie?
First he did his knee.
Then he did his knee.
Then one more time – did his knee.
Then, became coach. Now there was an example of a bloke who really didn’t have much of a list to work with.






Ironic post of the week:

Please quote where I mentioned being an expert?

Not only is it great to see Biggus Martus back again. (If only more posters were prepared to back their opinions with some reasons why.)

But it’s great that Mart is back, and, with a new found sense of humour, and, irony.






Comeback post of the week:
These have been a bit light on recently, with Firey having to carry the can for everyone.

Riddled with injuries to key players, the Bombers played an awesome brand of football this evening. The keys are passion, flair, belief and run.

The Saints...?we say no to drugs

List management (updated):

Simples- put a big target on the field at Moorabbin, get every player on the list one at time, to run and collect a handball from 40 metres out and hit the target by foot- three chances..two out three ok , one or no hits- delist.

Hard to argue with this. And once that exercise is completed...................
It’s realised that on-going contract complicate some of these, but putting that aside, outskis at the end of the season...........................
- Billy (Concussion + not an AFL standard footballer.)
- Pierce (Concussion.)
- Paddy (Concussion.)
- Young (Not an AFL standard footballer.)
- Mackenzie
- Newnes (No Newnes is good Newnes.)
- Armo’ (Sorry Liz.)
- Sinclair (Big fan, but enough is enough. Has stalled. Badly.)
- Rowe. (But must be given his 100th league game first. Romance is everything! )

Worried about....................................
- Robbo’. (Serious doubts due to health, but would definitely keep him on the list for one more try.)
- Jack S. (Serious doubts about his mental health. If the rumblings are true and he wants to go to Geelong, and if that would help him, then fine, and thanks for your 4 B&Fs. Will always be a great Saint. Besides, even if it takes some swapping of draft picks, we can get Geelong’s 2019 Pick 19 for a nearly 29 year old Jack. Win/win all round we’d reckon.)
- Brown. (Can’t believe people are calling for his delisting!!!! Can’t believe this bloke was dropped!!!!! Are our choaching clowns that stooopid???? Don’t answers that last question.................)
- White. (Can get a game under 2 choaches in a struggling and supposedly injury-ravaged team. Will surely listen to his pissed-off mum and go and be a star somewhere else.)
- Rice. (Rate this bloke, but like White, doesn’t seem to be able to get a look in. Fear that he will also end up someone else’s bargain pick-up.)
- Joyce. (Play him! Darragh needs some continuity. And give him a run on the ball, and up forward too.)
- Hanners’. (That deal made us a laughing stock. But what’s worst. The brief time he has made it onto the field, he still looked a cut above our other mids.)
- Acres. (This one really really hurts. This bloke has as high a ceiling as He’sHighMan and Ted parked on the median strip last week. And in footy terms, as high a ceiling as anyone on our list. And despite the choaches rarely playing him in the guts, BAcres simply seems to lack the required ‘urgency’ to achieve his footballing potential. Tragically, we’d not be able to get for him what he’s worth, but maybe he could be used as a key ‘steak knives’ component in another trade? Next season, new coach, lets see.)

Ok, that’s the outskis/outskis worries. Now for the other side of things.
- Chol! (Can’t believe that bloke hasn’t been locked away by the Tuggers! Don’t actually have an issue with the reported $400K offer to Draper, but I’d be offering even more to this bloke.
And we have the cap space for it, the Tuggers don’t. Besides we’re supposedly so desperate to use our cap space that we’re paying Hanners $400K per game played.)




Stuff to like:
Apart from the already mentioned.......................
- Paddy didn't get concussed again. (We think.............?)
- Joe King didn't hurt his knee again. (We think.............?)
- Hanners’ indefinitely got through another round of footy unscathed, and aware. (We think.............?)




Stuff to not like:
- Why Paddy didn't (and can't) get concussed again.
- Why Joe King didn't hurt his knee again.
- Why - Hanners’ indefinitely got through another round of footy unscathed, and aware.

F^^k.

Report on The Ted Report:
We still can't get too much of a good thing! So there is no Ted Report this week, man. However, Ted has just discovered that we have a bloke name Doulton on our list, and is drooling. So you never know when the luck runs out.

Absolutely.

Opposition player to bag:
- David King! Ok, not exactly an on field presence anymore (same as Billy), but you’ll do mate. James Tird as our next chocah!!!!?????!!!! Seriously???? Why???? Has Hanners’ run out of talcum powder again?
David King ‘the souvlaki slayer’? No thanks. We much prefer Saintsational and the analysis committees’ very own Kingky12

- Never forgetting Jamie 'seagull' Cripps!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!
We’re still maintaining the rage!!!!!! Traitor!!!!!!!! !!!!!

Down hill skier. Soft. Has pace and is a good shot at goal but easily replaced.
Looks good in a team with a strong midfield
Loves bruise free footy.

- Joel Smith – another traitor!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!

Shove that up your <edit by mods>!

Next week we’re still back at Linton Lodger Stadium (now officially declared a Cho-free zone ) against the tankards:
INS:
Options we're considering/not considering.................
- Jack Steven. (Needs another run under his belt before he steps up to AFL-level intensity. The Tankards game next week is perfect.) If not,
- Rice! (Get him in! And don’t waste him as a BS ‘defensive forward’. And give him some time in the guts!!!)


OUTski:
- Sinclair.
- Newnes. (No Newnes is good Newnes!)

We can spare you.

Stiff as a badger’s ass (whatever that means? ):
Probably White Rice and Joyce, and anyone else who Newnes gets ahead of.





Final thoughts:
After 6 long and wasted years, it great that our beloved club has finally entered <the definite article finally deleted by both SS and St K Mods> Cho-free zone.

And the highlight of Sunday arvo’/evening was the Dark Lord himself playing off <the definite article finally deleted by both SS and St K Mods> Cho.

Play him off Darth.






Halle-bloody-ljah!!!! (Chortle.)

Thanks for that Baz.





Thoughts, Rodger? <swoon>

Thoughts, Barry?

Thoughts, TRUE DECEIVERS?

Thoughts, le Cho?

Thoughts, Saintsationalists?


- Aeon.

Pop goes the weasel I'm voting Flux next time unless we can get Kinky to immigrate to Oz .

Flux yeah!

* Free the Hard Saint. It’s pretty bloody obvious that St Kilda needs more hard saints!!!!

* Free the Devilhead. It’s also pretty bloody obvious that St Kilda needs more devil!!!!!

.

[st.byron]

Genuinely curious to know how long it takes you to compile a post like this???

[Dis Believer]

haha, loving your work Aeon, from within this sunburnt land.....

[sunsaint]

Genuinely curious to know how long it takes you to compile a post like this???

true genius just flows
or
is that insanity
I can never remember - but then ive just been well n truly Flumuxed

[desertsaint]

bugger me, i started reading it and by the time i finished my coffee had gone cold.
had to turn the club down mate - hate early mornings in winter. that clip of me driving was the last time i got out of bed pre-dawn. and that's only because you don't want to get caught in day traffic in paris (and the wife being swiss hates it when i'm late).
I'll take Finiss's job though. Have us up there with the Pies and Bombers financially speaking. Membership should overtake Richmond by 2025. All good as long as they let me rock up to work after 12!

[AeonFlux]

.

Mailbag update:
- Byron, from Byron Bay(?) asks,

Genuinely curious to know how long it takes you to compile a post like this???

Can be quite a while, depending on how much (supposed) inside info' passes across the screen to be filtered each week.

But still the greatest time determinant is whether or not someone is able to arrange a baby sitter for Ted.

Unfortunately Ted remains in denial over his ADHD diagnosis, so he refuses to take his meds'. Whilst the analysis committee gains great amusement from Ted's incessant trolling, it's Ted's constant fidgeting, and chasing of imaginary squirrels all around the room that is the real distraction time-wise.

Hope that helps.

F^^k yeah.

- Sunsaint from, uhm, the sun(?) asks,

true genius just flows
or
is that insanity
I can never remember - but then ive just been well n truly Flumuxed

Insanity! Definitely insanity!

Hope that helps.

F^^k yeah.

- Desertsaint from a desert near you writes,

bugger me, i started reading it and by the time i finished my coffee had gone cold.
had to turn the club down mate - hate early mornings in winter. that clip of me driving was the last time i got out of bed pre-dawn. and that's only because you don't want to get caught in day traffic in paris (and the wife being swiss hates it when i'm late).
I'll take Finiss's job though. Have us up there with the Pies and Bombers financially speaking. Membership should overtake Richmond by 2025. All good as long as they let me rock up to work after 12!

Sold!

And you can have Lethers’ job too. (No! Not the other job that he did! ) That way, you can appoint yourself as coach when you’re ready.

DS for Saints’ CEO/General Manager/'Up Yours AFL!' provocateur!!!!

Just the hard-nosed bastard that Rooey is calling for. (But with a heart of gold. )

Hope that helps.

F^^k yeah.

- Aeon.







PS:

The Fluxed Film Buffs' Feature:
Have recently been speaking with a couple of ex-AFL footballers. The word that they're hearing whispered is that we've been neglecting the SS main forum's mandated 'at least 20% content that has nothing to do with footy or the Saints' thing. Well, that's the whisper anyway.

So, here's something that will hopefully be of interest to a 'range of' Saintsationalists. Quite a few ex-AFL footballers are very interested too, is what we're hearing.

And stuff those bloody buffering issues courtesy of Rupert bloody Murdoch and his News Corpse. (Curse you Rupert!!!!! Curse you News Corpse!!!! ) Do what we do in Monica. Download via a free programme such as 4k Downloader https://www.4kdownload.com/ and then watch at your leisure. (Up yours Rupert!!!!! Up yours News Corpse!!!! )



The Promise
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1692202/
A young British girl travels to Israel/Palestine, retracing the steps of her grandfather - a British soldier stationed there in the 1940s.

"I come from Palestine, when I started watching this mini-series, I was mentally prepared for the common western biased production of The Palestine cause, I am surprised at the end, that this was not only unbiased to any party, but also, shed more in my conscious on the British position, the Jews misery in Germany and later their perspective to occupy our lands and renaming our country. The drama was great, not a common Hollywood Bad Guys Vs.Good Guys BS. It gave me an urge to watch again and again and show it to my parents, relatives who are all refugees, a great and intelligent production, I strongly recommend it to anyone. If I was not Palestinian, or involved in this story, I still find a great story line, intelligent script and acting."

Groundbreaking.

Absolutely.

To me it's pure genius. WOW!

F^^k yeah.

.

[Dis Believer]

Not to be picky, but you missed out the "u" in "lujah", as in halle-bloody-lujah.

Other than that, mildly interesting post...….